I do really believe that what we focus on expands. It’s a choice – how we perceive a situation determines our experience. Instead of thinking about what cancer took from me, I’ve decided to turn any negative thought about cancer into what has come from cancer that I’m so grateful for. When tragedy strikes, I’ve often wondered and questioned where God could possibly be.

As some of you may know, I was first pregnant six and a half years ago with triplets. Sadly, I went into premature labour and gave birth to them at twenty-two weeks and five days. As I held my first three children, still in my arms, I didn’t feel God in their dead bodies. But, I did feel God (light, pure love, peace) envelop me in the room as the nurses, doctors, and my husband and family gathered around us. A while after their birth, I heard a phrase that rang so true to me: that God isn’t in the horror of a tragedy, but in the helpers. Finally, this makes sense to me. There are horrible tragedies around our world each and every day and they break my heart. Not to minimize tragedy, but I do tend to focus on the good, the love, the kindnesses shown in such tragedies by first responders, bystanders, the helpers. Love is more powerful than fear, this I know to be true.

I thought it would be fitting to share the speech I wrote for the ladies at the luncheon I hosted and just blogged about. Focusing on the many helpers I had through my cancer experience helps me feel positive and hopeful. One speech wasn’t enough to share everything that so many people did for me and my family but I tried to include some of the most meaningful moments and ways that people supported me. There are a number of ladies whom I would have said more about in the speech but they weren’t able to make it to the lunch that day. I am planning on delivering their thank-you cards and little gifts in person soon…

Thank You Luncheon Speech

I would like to make a toast to you, my family and friends, who helped me through the challenges that cancer brought me. You’re here because I want to show you my gratitude. This is an opportunity for you to acknowledge each other as well. Going through cancer was made a more gentle experience because of the kindnesses you all shared with me. Together, you cleaned my home, drove me to appointments, dropped off food at my door, took my children on outings, babysat them, sat by my side at chemo days, visited me in the hospital, called or texted or emailed to check up on me, sent supportive cards and gifts, lent an ear to my husband when he needed it, gave me strength when mine was fading, and took time away from your own lives and families to help me and mine. I tell people all the time that I had very little to complain about in terms of the cancer experience – and that is thanks to all of you. You took care of me and my immediate family in our time of need and I’m so very glad I get to be healthy enough now to show you my gratitude by way of some food and drinks and company (without our young kids around). I want to acknowledge some of you who were the most instrumental in helping me through this year:

Mom- for spending every Wednesday as well as many other days and evenings in my home with my kids, loving them with as much love and joy as I do. I know this was a difficult experience for you and that you would have taken it on rather than watch me go through it had you had the choice. I want you to know that the love you have for me has always been a source of great strength to me and has provided me with courage time and again. I know that the love Grandma had for you and what I imagine her mother had for her informs much of your strength. I feel that to my very core – the strength Grandma had is in you, and me, and in my daughter. I thank you for your unconditional love and fortitude.

Cynthia – for coming home. I remember talking with you in January while I laid on the couch in my living room, watching my kids play, and being so tired that I couldn’t get up. I told you then that I was sick, really sick, but didn’t know yet it was cancer. You listened to me, cried with me, and encouraged me to get help. Then, you came home. I don’t know what Matt and I would have done had you not been here for those many months, taking me to chemo, babysitting my kids, visiting with me to keep my spirits up. Life has dealt us both some major blessings as well as some enormous challenges. You’ve supported me through them all and, for that, I am grateful. Thank you for your understanding, compassion, and friendship.

Kim – for loving me so much that your heart broke for me when you heard that I had cancer. You’re such a generous person and I’m so grateful to you for showing up for me as much as you have. You always checked in on me and took time away from doing things you’d like to do for yourself and your own family to help me and mine. I loved spending time with you on chemo days and during my hospital stay. Having you with me my first evening at Lions Gate was so much fun. I loved laughing with you as we realized I’d be spending the night in the trauma room there and at how cute yet another one of my doctors was. Thanks for looking after my kids and making my time without them fun for them. We all adore you. Thank you for your generosity, sense of humour, and time.

Erin – for being my very best friend. A friend who dropped everything to take care of me. You were at my side for my first chemo, helping me laugh through it. You took me to get a wig and out to lunches and to many more appointments. You arranged for two Disney characters to participate in the hair shaving party. You laughed with me and cried with me and reminded me that I could get through this when I was my most scared. You brought me food and broke me out of emergency room bunker hell – FREEDOM! You were the one person who asked me about my mortality, knowing that you’d be the one person I would tell the whole, honest even ugly, truth to. Yes, I was scared, and you knew it. Thank you for showing up, being there, and for knowing me well enough to talk to me about the whole experience.

Aunty Sandy – for loving me as much as any aunt could ever love her niece. You were at my house so often, taking care of my kids and me. You drove me to many appointments, kept me company a lot of the time, brought me food, chatted with Matt, held me as I fell apart and cried both for me and with me. People have told me that they think I’m such a positive person and I know that comes from having you as an integral person in my life. Thank you for your friendship, love for my kids, and positive example.

Jenny – for being my sister/friend. You have always made me laugh and been a joy to be around. Thank you so much for bringing dinner once a week for many months, for your company, for helping with the kids so often. When I was in the hospital, I knew that, with you being home with my kids meant that they had the best part of me with them – the joy, humour, and affection you gave and continue to give my kids means that they know love without boundaries. Thank you for your humour, compassion, and joyful energy.

Leanne – for your presence. You cooked for me and my family many a Tuesday night just to go home and do the same for your own family. You drove me to appointments, looked after my kids, and sent so many lovely, supportive, thoughtful cards as well as went to the trouble of creating a care package for me early on in my treatment. Thank you for your friendship, understanding, and encouragement.

Suzanne – for your friendship. You opened your home to my kids and watched my kids a ton while I got dinner on or rested. You listened with compassion and allowed me to talk about anything and everything going on in my life – cancer craziness, hubby ‘troubles’, kidlet frustrations … Thank you for spending so much time with me, my kids, and my other friends and family outside while they were helping out. I’m so glad that our friendship has gotten stronger through this process. Thank you for your open heart, love for me kids, and the good laughs along the way.

Fiona – for your unwavering support and encouragement. You took me to many appointments and helped watch my kids. Your mom even helped by picking me up for an appointment one day. You’re such a caring, generous person and I know you did everything you could do help me and my family through this. I know the cancer would have progressed further had you not encouraged me to go into the ER and get the lumps in my neck checked out. You told me from the start that I can beat this, that the cancer will not win. Thank you for having faith in me and for being there for me at any and every point along the way.

Shauna – for your tremendous support and compassion. I will hold the “Go Away Cancer” event close to my heart for the rest of my life. Your inspiration helped turn one of the most humbling and difficult tasks I had to face with cancer into a joyful, loving, philanthropic event. You and your friend Beth, in shaving your heads with me, showed me that I would not walk alone on this journey. How courageous of you! Thank you for your constant support through the darkest times in my life. Thank you for your generosity of spirit and loving heart.

As for the rest of you wonderful friends, thank you for all you’ve done for me. I am so blessed because I have so many friends I admire and appreciate. As Cody Brown from one of my weirdly favourite shows says, “Love should be multiplied, not divided.” So, this is me, multiplying love. I promise you that I will spend the rest of my life passing on all that you have done for me to those I know and come across that are in need of some kindness, compassion, and care. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Cheers!

Tracy