Having cancer forced me to really live each day as it came. To be present.  That was a very good thing. All we all have is the present moment; that’s all that’s true or real (thanks Deepak Chopra and Eckhart Tolle, amongst others, for that lesson). No matter how healthy one is, noone is guaranteed a tomorrow. Can be scary to think about but also super motivating!

Having cancer also taught me to not take for granted the joy of planning ahead and looking forward to adventures out and about with family and friends. Missing out on time with my children, some family functions, dinners out, weekends away felt disappointing at the time and yet I knew what I had to focus on: getting through chemo as well as possible.

So, once I got the ‘all-clear’ this past September, you’d think I’d be ready to go – getting plans in place for tons of fun. Instead, I went through about a month of trepedation. I actually felt like I had lost any ability to look toward a future beyond my next chemo treatment. My routine for more than six months went like this: Wednesday chemo, rest for a few days (so grateful to my hubby who bought me an ipad for my birthday so I could spend endless hours on Netflix watching some of the best shows – Downton Abbey, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, The Mindy Project to name a few), eat what I could, take dozens of pills, feel yucky, suffer from chemo mouth through that weekend, start to feel a bit better the following Tuesday, spend the following Wednesday through Tuesday feeling pretty normal and eating well (loads of poutine and fish ‘n chips for some insane reason), playing with my kidlets as much as I possibly could. Then, another Wednesday would come and the whole routine would begin again. Two week increments. I made plans according to what day of the chemo cycle it would be and how I would be feeling. Not a bad way to live – being present, for sure. So, when that’s the norm for so long, it takes a while to get balance back. To get to that real-life place of both maintaining presence with dreaming big dreams again.

I’m glad to say, I’m here. I’m in the land of hope, fun times, joyful experiences, spending my time using this one precious life I’ve been given to do good, and having a good laugh. I have the energy to run around the playground with my kids, to read good books, to write this blog, to stay late at a family gathering and play Pictionary just like we’ve done for decades now. I’m finding that ‘white light disco’ balance: zen-like presence and appreciation with goal-oriented fun and dreaming.

I look forward to sharing some good times with you all. This blog is helping me be accountable to that goal of mine – live my dreams and share them with the world in the hopes that other people find some way to both appreciate each moment and dream big. Thanks for sharing this journey with me. I hope you all share your big dreams here with me too.

Let’s enjoy the moment and let the good times roll!

Cheers,

Tracy