I’ve been inundating Matt for weeks now with adjectives regarding the kind of blog I wanted to write: bright, fireworky (not a real word, I know), expanding, glittery etc. Most of the time, I feel so much gratitude, love, joy in my heart that I feel like  it’s going to burst wide open and this is what I want to share with the world. Super cheesy, I know.

I’ve always had a skip in my step. I used to walk to high school with my next door neighbour,Lauren, and she would mock me (in a way that a neighbour friend whom you’ve known your whole life and is more like a sister than a friend can) because I would actually be bouncing as I walked. It’s just how I was made, to be honest. Instead of calming that bounce, I’ve decided to exaggerate it. This blog is my way of pouring forth every bit of happiness from every cell of my body. But what kind of title matches that feeling without really making people want to fake puke?

It’s not that my life has always been this easy, fairytale type of life. The sense of inner peace that I have now didn’t come through having an easy time of it. As a child, we didn’t have much money, my dad was a mess, didn’t treat our mom or us that well a lot of the time, and didn’t pull his weight (that’s a euphemism, by the way). We lived in a small basement suite and our mom worked hard scrubbing pots at the local hospital to try to get us off of welfare.

Don’t get me wrong – I count myself beyond blessed for all that we did have growing up. My two sisters and I had a strong example in our mother who put herself through two years of college to become a medical records technician to support us. We had a roof over our heads and food in our mouths, unconditional love and kindness from many family and friends, the most truly generous grandparents, and fantastic schools with the kindest teachers. I feel like there’s so much to be grateful for that the other ‘stuff’ just doesn’t have room to sit with me. There’s forgiveness for all the wrongs and gratitude for the very many rights.

Once married, I went through some of my very worst nightmares: watching my sister and her husband go through the loss of their first born son, Bailey, going through infertility for years then losing our beloved first born triplets, Alissa, Beth, and Daniel, more infertility, difficult pregnancies, and this last year brought Hodgkin’s Lymphoma to my door. I have seen the darkest days I could have ever imagined and wouldn’t wish on any other soul. I didn’t always feel grateful, acceptance, light.

It was about a year ago now that I came to a place of acceptance with all that life brings. I then had a three year old, healthy daughter and a newborn son. I was doing a lot of reading of spiritual texts (Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth”, Marianne Williamson’s “A Return to Love”,  Michael Singer’s “An Untethered Soul” to name a few) and I began meditating along with Oprah and Deepak Chopra’s audios online. For the first time since I was a teenager attending St Edmund’s Catholic Church, I prayed. I ‘woke up’, became ‘consious’ so to speak and I have been at true peace ever since. How it worked, I have no idea. What I do know is that I feel in line and present with every moment and at peace with every experience having led me right where I need to be.

I have been reading Kris Carr’s book, “Crazy, Sexy Cancer Survivor” before bed lately. When I came across the phrase, “You are a white light disco with no ceilings and no limitations,” the sense of knowing ‘this is perfect!’ hit me square in the face. I AM a white light disco – WE ALL ARE!

The image brings me peace and joy and I do hope it brings you all the same, in spades.

Cheers,

Tracy